The Proposal
by Cardboard Bike
Summary: It was an accident. But then, everything to do with Kakashi seemed to happen on accident. This story is an accident of a shonen ai.


_**Warning**__for one OTT unbelievable kunoichi, mild bad language/boobs and aggressive, manly fluff. You didn't even know that was a thing, did you? Well, it is now._

**o0o**

"Thank you for your hard work." Umino Iruka stamped the form handed to him and smiled up at the shinobi currently in front of his desk. When she didn't immediately leave he smiled harder, his brow twitching suspiciously. "Is there something else I can help you with?"

"Perhaps," the kunoichi purred, shaking her hair loose around her shoulders and fluttering her long eyelashes at him. "Do _you_ think there is something you could… help me with?"

Iruka shrugged, and pushed a stray strand of his own hair behind his ear. "No, I don't think so. You seem to have everything together."

The kunoichi frowned, an expression she quickly replaced with a sickly sweet grin. "Are you absolutely sure of that?" She slid the tip of her finger into her mouth and licked it seductively, twirling her hair with her other hand.

"I'm sure." Iruka gave the mission room a cursory glance and sighed inwardly. There were no other shinobi around, so he had no excuse but to listen to her.

"Oooh." The kunoichi gave a loud, sensuous sigh and started to slowly unzip her flak jacket. "It's just so hot in here, isn't it?" she murmured, flashing bedroom eyes at him and waving a hand daintily in front of her face.

"You may need to go to the hospital if you think it's too hot in here," Iruka said blandly. "It's going on winter, and they still haven't fixed that window Naruto nose-dived through last week."

"Look," the kunoichi demanded, pulling down her shirt and thrusting cleavage at him, "I'm so hot that they're sweating." She grabbed Iruka's hand and held it up to her chest. "Your hands are nice and cool, do you think that you could cool down my breasts by rubbing them? And maybe later you could get down to cooling off the rest of me as well?"

"I'm sorry, I'm on mission duty all afternoon," Iruka said coolly, snatching back his hand. "But if you'd like there are some ice packs in the staff freezer I could get for you."

The kunoichi stared at him, wide-eyed and glowering. "Surely you aren't so dense not to realize I am hitting on you," she snarled, unable to take his blasé reactions any more.

"I do realize that, but I have no interest in you," Iruka said simply, "And I have no idea why you think that I would. I do not know you, and I'm not really a fan of your over-the-top sweet talking."

"But I'm a jōnin, a _jōnin._" The kunoichi glared. "You should be glad that someone of my rank is taking notice of an unworthy chūnin like you."

Iruka frowned. "To start with, I don't care for rank. I think it's a stupid way to pick your partner. Did Genma put you up to this? Because if he did, he surely hates you."

"Come on, look at me." The kunoichi leant over the desk, pushing her breasts up with her hands so Iruka could bask in the full glory of them. "I'm gorgeous, and I'm a perfect shinobi. Your stupid, ugly little chūnin girlfriend shouldn't stand a chance against me, so why are you staying loyal to her?"

Iruka's eyebrows rose above his hairline. "You're assuming I have a partner, and that she is an ugly chūnin?"

The kunoichi crossed her arms tightly across her chest and nodded decisively. "There is no other reason for you to refuse to date me."

"It couldn't just be that I don't like you?" Iruka asked wryly, amused.

"No. You definitely have a partner. And I bet I could take her on any day of the week." The kunoichi sniffed, nose high in the air.

"This is getting good," Izumo whistled, clapping his hands.

Iruka stared at him, startled. He hadn't noticed the other chūnin come in. Actually, while they'd been arguing the whole room had filled up. "I honestly don't think you could beat my partner in anything," Iruka said quietly. "But there are others here now, and I need to do my job. You should leave."

"Bullshit," the kunoichi hissed. "You can't just make me leave on that note."

"She's right, you know," another shinobi, a jōnin Iruka vaguely recognized, put in, "You can't just end a conversation with a challenge like that."

"Yeah," added another, "You should call up your girlfriend and they can fight it out right here. It'll be more entertaining than my last mission, at least."

Iruka leveled his best teacher glare at the man. "Firstly, that is a terrible example to set for the genin. Secondly, didn't all of you come here to hand in your mission reports?"

Most of the heads around the room shook from left to right. "That can wait, Iruka-sensei," a voice called out from the back. "We wanna know what you're gonna do to her."

"Do to her? I'm not going to _do_ anything." Iruka turned to the persistent woman. "Look, I don't know why you're so into me. I'm assuming Genma dared you to do it, seeing how much you appear to hate anyone below you in rank. That's all well and good, but I will never say yes to you. I do not know how to say it clearer than that."

"You're right," the kunoichi conceded, "Genma-san did tell me to do this. But now that you've insulted my looks and my strength I feel the need to steal you away from your girlfriend. There's something about you that I kind of like. You're stubbornly cute, like an itty bitty bug."

Iruka blinked incredulously. "Is that actually supposed to make me fall for you?"

"I'll put out on the first date," the kunoichi continued blindly, "I'll suck your dick for you. Whatever. I'm sure I can be better than the whore you're sleeping with right now."

Iruka narrowed his eyes. "I'd rather you didn't call my partner a whore."

The kunoichi shrugged and blew on her nails, a bored expression on her face. "She is what she is."

"Listen," Iruka growled, standing up and slamming his hands down on the desk, "I love my partner. Shi has issues, yes, and is not always the easiest person to get along with. Shi annoys the hell out of me coming home and dripping blood all through my kitchen and bathroom. Shi freaks me out when I realize the blood doesn't actually belong to the enemy. But Shi is sweet and genuine and the perfect person for me to hold in my arms. I do not want you, or anyone else. Shi is the only person I would gladly spend the rest of my life with."

The room fell deathly silent, only to have the silence broken seconds later by the lazy drawl of the one person Iruka didn't want to see. "Maa, Iruka-sensei, was that a proposal?"

Hatake Kakashi strode through the crowd, grey eye glinting with thinly veiled amusement. Iruka turned pale and drew in his breath.

"Because, you know, it sounded an awful lot like a proposal to me."

Iruka closed his eyes for a few seconds, gathering all the courage he had before opening them again and staring the jōnin down defiantly. "So what if it was?"

Kakashi's eye widened fractionally, enough to show Iruka he'd been taken by surprise and didn't like it. "Then I guess you should have been more clear about it," he prodded, testing the waters.

"Clear, huh?" Iruka muttered. "I bet you're going to wish you'd never asked for that."

He vaulted over the desk and knelt on the floor between the stunned jōnin's feet. "Hatake Kakashi," he said, clearing his throat. "I don't have a ring, and I suspect you don't want one. But I don't need a ring to know that I need you in my life. You're all I think about, and all that I desire. I want to spend the rest of my life by your side, no matter how much you piss me off and I drive you crazy." He fumbled around his neck for a moment before pulling away and pressing his dog tags into the jōnin's lax hand. "As I said, I don't have a ring, but I will give you this, as well as my heart and my soul. So, Shi-chan, will you marry me?"

Kakashi swallowed heavily, his fingers tightening instinctively around the metal in his hand. Iruka gave him a few moments before standing up and silently brushing the backs of his fingers against a clothed cheek.

"Is this your idea of a joke?" Kakashi whispered, voice strained.

"No, I'm very serious." Iruka smiled and patted Kakashi's poufy hair. "I don't expect your answer now, though. I know that's not the way you do things. Take your time, there's no pressure."

Kakashi stared for a bit, and then put his hands together and disappeared, the _pop_ of his jutsu extremely loud in the silent room. Iruka dusted off his knees, turned around calmly and settled back down in his seat. "So, who was next?"

The room stayed in it's silently stunned state for a few beats before someone at the back called out, "Was that it?"

Iruka raised an eyebrow. "Was what what?"

"This is not funny," the original kunoichi snarled. "I don't know what your idea of a joke is, but this is –"

"This is Genma's idea of a joke," Iruka interrupted. "He was the one who pushed you into this, remember? He knew I would say no, no matter what you said, and he wanted to annoy me and embarrass you."

"By making you propose to _Hatake freakin' Kakashi_? Because that was going too far. You didn't have to turn me down by asking the most dangerous man in the village to marry you. I can take a hint, you know."

Iruka shrugged. "Well, I guess even he wouldn't have seen that coming. I didn't plan on it, particularly not in this way, but it happened and I'm not especially upset about it."

"Hatake. Kakashi. The Copy-Ninja. I don't understand why he didn't incinerate you on the spot," the kunoichi lamented.

"You still don't get it?" Iruka shook his head. "I'll put it this way. Shi-chan – Kakashi – is my 'ugly chūnin girlfriend' who is a 'whore' that you're going to beat up. Now I'm not sure how much of that he heard, but if I were you I'd be very worried about what he'll do once he's got over this proposal thing."

The kunoichi's face lost all colour.

Iruka grinned. "There you go, I trust you understand now?"

"But why would he – with you?" the kunoichi stuttered.

"You'll just have to ask him that, if you're daring enough." Iruka made a shooing motion with his hand. "You should go now, I have work to do."

The kunoichi gave him one last defiant glare, and called over her shoulder as she stalked out, "You're still just a dirty stinking chūnin."

Iruka waved merrily after her. "I'm sure Kakashi would love to hear what you think of me, after he remembers what you said about him."

He grinned as she picked up her pace without looking back and slammed the door behind her.

"Oi," Izumo hissed, sliding into the seat beside him, "What was that all about?"

Iruka frowned. "You know, you're right. I shouldn't have threatened her with Kakashi, that makes me look like a helpless damsel."

"That's not what I was getting at," Izumo complained, and Kotetsu, who'd commandeered the seat on his other side, stifled a chuckle. "No one would ever think you were a damsel in distress, Iruka. If you were, you'd beat the guy who assumed he needed to save you to death with your tiara."

"But you would look good in a dress," Genma interjected, leaning on the desk and grinning widely. "And by the way, may I commend you on that amazing performance. It went better than I ever expected."

Iruka scowled for a moment before the wrinkles smoothed out and his face took on a dangerously calm expression. "You know, Genma," he said sweetly, "If I were you and I didn't want a senbon-induced colonoscopy, I would leave. Right now, in fact."

"Hey, hey." Genma took a step back and held both hands out, palms forward. "I meant no harm, it was just a joke, right? And plus, you got something out of it too. You're going to get hitched. I mean, isn't that awesome?"

Iruka shook his head. "Well, have fun explaining all that to Kakashi when he finally comes out of hiding. Now get lost, I know you have a mission to do."

Genma licked his lips, which were suddenly very dry. "Well, remember to tell Kakashi that he's getting something out of this, okay? Tell him that it's not necessarily a bad thing."

Iruka narrowed his eyes. "Out."

Genma fled.

Iruka turned his gaze on the rest of the shinobi crowding the mission room and gave a smile that was maybe a little wider than necessary, causing an instant collective retreat. "Now, who's next?"

**o0o**

It was three days before Iruka saw Kakashi again, but he couldn't say that he hadn't been expecting it. The jōnin was not, by nature, a public creature, and hated with a passion anything that made him stand out. It sounded like an oxymoron, Kakashi wanting to blend in when the very essence of him stood out from the crowd, but that's who he was. He employed a slouch to defy his height, covered as much of his body as he could and created a barrier of porn to deter anyone who was daring enough to want to start a conversation with him. And when all of that failed him, he hid behind sarcastic wit and fake smiles.

What Iruka had done was enough, in itself, to make the answer to his question a resounding 'no'. Public displays of affection were not something Kakashi 'shied away' from – rather, they were something he physically ran from. A drunken Iruka had once tried to kiss him on the street outside his apartment and ended up in his bed with a black eye, a bleeding temple and no recollection of how he'd gotten there, Kakashi nowhere to be seen. He'd decided to quit drinking after that incident.

When he did finally see Kakashi again, it was when and where he least expected it, of course. The jōnin's favourite pastime was putting people out of their depth, and even more so on the rare occasion when they'd managed to do the same to him.

"Hello." Iruka gave a weak smile and wiggled uncomfortably, his heart pounding like crazy. "Could you, maybe, let me go?" He twisted his arm slightly, not so much as to attempt to escape from the iron-like grip the jōnin had on his wrists but more to remind Kakashi that he was, in fact, pinning him to the wall of his classroom. Just in case he'd forgotten.

Kakashi didn't say anything, just continued to hold him there and stare at him. Iruka squirmed internally. Now that the jōnin had returned, he didn't even really want to hear his answer. At the time he'd figured that a 'no' would mean they'd just get on with their lives as usual and nothing would change. That had been a stupidly optimistic thought, now that he'd had three days to contemplate it. Three days of shinobi of all manner coming up to him and asking him, 'is it really true?' 'so, what's under the mask?' and the one that really stopped his heart, 'I better be invited to your wedding'. He'd royally fucked up, and nothing he could do would fix that.

"I'm sorry, Shi, I really am." Iruka worried his bottom lip between his teeth nervously. "It was an accident, she was just so annoying and you provoked me – I didn't mean to –"

"So you didn't mean it," Kakashi said blandly, giving him a trademark closed eye smile. "Well, that clears things up a little."

Iruka bit down on his lip, this time drawing blood. "No, you're twisting my words. I did –"

Kakashi smiled harder and continued on over top of him blithely. "You see, I did wonder why on earth you'd actually want to marry me. I do hope Genma enjoyed his show."

"You're missing the point completely," Iruka argued.

"Maa, you're a very good actor, 'Ru. I almost believed you."

"Kakashi, stop it!" Iruka struggled for real this time, though to no avail. "Please don't talk like that."

"I suppose there are bets on whether I say yes or no, ne?"

"Shi-chan, _shut up_!" Finally understanding that any attempt at freeing his hands was useless, Iruka decided instead to lift a leg and knee his captor in the balls. Kakashi, not expecting an attack from below, immediately released him and keeled over. Iruka crouched down beside him, hesitantly putting his arms around the shaking jōnin's shoulders. "I'm really, really sorry for that, but you just wouldn't listen. You can do the same to me, alright? _After _you hear me out."

Kakashi glared at him.

Iruka winced. "I know that was kind of uncalled for, but half-measures don't work well with you. I have to get you in any way I can."

Kakashi rolled his eyes and pointedly looked away.

Iruka looked away as well, too embarrassed to face the jōnin while he said what he had to say. "Look, the only thing I regret is that I proposed to you in the mission room, with everyone watching. And the reason for that is that now they're going to expect things, and want to know things, and want to go to a wedding that probably isn't going to happen. In all honesty I don't give a rat's arse about 'marriage', or 'wedding ceremonies' or all that crap. All I do know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If you'll let me."

He was still staring intently at the wall (anywhere but Kakashi, anywhere but Kakashi) so he jumped a little when something hard was pressed into his hand. The slightly rounded edges, metal warm from body heat, finely linked chain – he knew what it was without looking. His heart sunk. "So this is your answer, huh?"

He'd been expecting a no, deep down. He'd never have let himself be optimistic enough to expect a yes, anyway, but it still hurt. He would get over it, and hopefully Kakashi wouldn't leave him altogether for his stupid mistake.

"Maa, that's not the expression I imagined you'd have," Kakashi said in a deceptively light tone.

Iruka forced himself to look over at the jōnin, who was now sitting cross-legged with his hands hovering protectively over his crotch. "What?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I thought you'd be happier, seeing as it was your idea and all. Were you expecting something better?"

Iruka frowned, and looked down at the dog tags in his hand. The top one had a long scratch through the centre and a couple of chips marred the side, as if it had barely survived being hit by a shuriken. "These aren't mine," he said slowly.

"Well, yeah. Wouldn't that defeat the purpose?" Kakashi scratched at the back of his head uncomfortably, embarrassed.

"These are yours," Iruka said, unable to keep the disbelief from creeping into his voice.

"Yes."

"This means you're agreeing to marry me, right?"

Kakashi hesitated. "Well, yeah, I guess."

"Are you sure?" Iruka asked, not quite able to believe what he was hearing.

"Well, I don't know about a wedding," Kakashi said slowly, "But I do want to stay with you for as long as possible. And I want you to keep these." He closed his hand over Iruka's, around the dog tags.

Iruka chuckled. "I don't think that Tsunade-sama would be very happy about that. It's illegal, isn't it, to wear someone else's tags?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Do you really care?"

Iruka thought about it and decided that no, he really didn't care. Having Kakashi's tags given to him meant much, much more than a ring he wouldn't be able to wear to work anyway. Coming from someone who'd spent their entire life as a shinobi, he felt like he was being offered a large part of the jōnin's identity, or rather, a large part of the jōnin himself. "Hokage-sama can kiss my ass," he said, grinning, and closed his fingers tightly around the precious pieces of metal.

"Maa, isn't this the part where you kiss me instead?" Kakashi asked, peeling his mask down slowly and leaning forward expectantly.

"Oh, that's right." Iruka crawled forwards and brushed his lips against the jōnin's, only to fall to the floor a moment later clutching his groin as pain seared through his body. "Wha -?"

"You did say I could get you back," Kakashi said calmly. "And I still haven't forgotten the fact that not only did you inform the entire shinobi force of our relationship, you insinuated that we were going to partake in a wedding."

Iruka groaned. "Are you serious? It's not like I did it on purpose."

"I know." Kakashi patted his arm genially. "That's why I chose to forgive you for it. But it's still your responsibility to fix the mess you've made."

"I know that." Iruka closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "Give me some time and I'll do something about it. Why couldn't you just let me have my one romantic moment?"

Kakashi grinned. "Where's the fun in that?"

Iruka scowled.

"Cheer up, you got what you wanted, didn't you?" Kakashi leaned forward and brushed his lips over Iruka's forehead, then his mouth, pulling back before Iruka could respond. "I love you, alright? Keep the tags."

He stood up and strode towards the door, only stopping to toss over his shoulder, "You should probably get going on fixing your problem, too. I bet Genma is already picking out a dress for you."

Iruka sighed, and banged his head against the floor. It was going to be a long, long year.

**o0o**

_A/N: hahahaha. Baka Kakashi._


End file.
